Instagram

A few weeks ago, finally, a friend of mine had a birthday. While baking is always a delight for me, there is nothing so overwhelmingly rewarding as baking for someone's birthday. Birthbaking. When Luz decided to join the ranks of the 24 year olds, it was clear that she needed to be compensated with a treat. After a Saturday spent baking ourselves in the sun at Precita Park, Sophie and I decided to lay low at the temporarily vacated parental house (what can I say, they are housing my precious kitchenaid). After a few episodes of Chopped, we were ready for business - with business being cupcakes. We perused recipes using coconut, chocolate and such, finally deciding that we surely couldn't go wrong with red velvet cupcakes. [insert quote about the best laid plans]. We came up with a list of ingredients we needed and headed to the (one and only no really) local grocery store, Whole Satan. We gathered the cream cheese, the powdered sugar and the cocoa powder, but struggled to locate the crucial red food coloring (two tablespoons required for true redness). We finally asked an employee who kindly led us back to the baking aisle we had already scoured. Tucked in a tiny corner was a mini pack of food colorings in a variety of colors. We thanked the employee kindly and took a closer look. Our jaws dropped. These four bite-sized bottles, containing barely one tablespoon each of coloring, cost $18.99. "We could try beet juice. Or pomegranate?" Suggested Sophie. I checked the iPhone for other food dye substitutions with little success. Beet juice takes too long; pomegranate is too flavorful; what the hell is cochineal? "Let's see if the corner store has it." We purchased our other items (the grand total of which was less than that of the food coloring alone) and proceeded to the corner store. They didn't have it.

We made them anyway:

Not-Red Velvet Cupcakes
adapted from http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/red-velvet-cupcakes-with-cream-cheese-frosting-recipe/index.html

Cupcake Part
- 2 1/2 cups flour
- 1 1/2 cups sugar
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- 3 tsp cocoa powder (original recipe called for 1, but we needed a color boost. Also, it is chocolate)
- 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil (depite popular opinion, as Sophie can attest, oil is often superior to butter in cakes for the moistness it lends)
- 1 cup buttermilk (or milk mixed with a tablespoon white vinegar or lemon juice)
- 2 large eggs
- 1 tsp white vinegar
- 1 tsp vanilla

Frosting Part
- 1 lb cream cheese (room temp)
- 2 sticks butter (I think we used salted and it turned out just fine - room temp)
- 1 tsp vanilla, or to taste
- 3 cups powdered sugar, or to taste (original called for 4 cups, but cream cheese frosting recipes almost without fail are too sweet. It is best to add some, then see if you want it a little sweeter or not)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease some muffin tins (line with cupcake papers if you have them).

Have your lovely helper mix the drug ingredients (up through cocoa powder) in a small bowl.

In the bowl of your kitchenaid, mix the oil, buttermilk, eggs. Add the vinegar and vanilla and beat it all together. Slowly pour in the dry mixture with mixer on low (to avoid flour-face) and mix until just combined. Don't overmix! Scoop the batter into the prepared muffin tin. We filled the cups more or less to the top and no one was complaining. Bake for about 20-25 minutes. Remove and cool on a rack. This batch made about 18 cupcakes, but could be stretched if the cupcakes are not monstrously large.

For the frosting: Clean the kitchenaid. Whip the butter and cream cheese together thoroughly. Very thoroughly. Add the vanilla and some powdered sugar. Taste the concoction. Determine whether it needs more sugar or vanilla. Proceed accordingly.

Once the cupcakes are cooled, use a butter knife to spread ample amounts of frosting on top of each (rest assured, you will have leftover frosting). If you have sprinkles, put some on top. Feed them to the birthday girl.